End of Week Recap: May 7-May 13

Hardass of the week: Vernon Wells (Toronto Blue Jays CF)

In a recent game played in Cleveland, OH at Jacobs Field, Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Vernon Wells was being a basic outfielder when he started to hear screaming from the fans. It turned out he had a heckler named Jeff Raycher.

Raycher and some of the other "Bleacher Creatures" had a running, good natured banter going with Wells that ended with Wells tossing a ball to Raycher complete with a tongue-in-cheek message.

Between innings he got a new ball and wrote a message to the fan, then when he went back on the field the next inning he tossed it to him.

The message?

"Dear Mr. Dork,

Here's your ball, now please tell me what gas station you work at so I can come and yell at you when you're working. Please sit down, shut up and enjoy the game. From your favorite centre fielder, Vernon Wells."

"They all loved it," Wells said. "It's something that I've done before, maybe a handful of times. It gets them on your side."

"Usually all we get is a tip of the hat or a wave," Raycher said of their heckling of whomever the center fielder is that's playing against their beloved Indians. "This night we had at least 100 or so (fans) jumping on board and getting on Vernon pretty good."

The insanity ceases to end at Jacobs Field. Raycher and company plan on hitting the road and driving to Detroit for the Blue Jays make-up game against the Tigers on Sept. 10th, the sky is the limit on what could happen that night.

Softass of the Week: Pope Benedict XVI

Pope Benedict XVI blamed Marxism and unbridled capitalism for Latin America's problems on Sunday, and urged bishops to mold a new generation of Roman Catholic leaders in politics to reverse the church's declining influence in the region.

Like his predecessor, Pope John Paul II, Benedict criticized capitalism's negative effects and Marxist influences that have motivated some grass-roots Catholic activists, remnants of the Liberation theology he moved to crush when he was a cardinal.

Not only is this man blaming his problems on other people, he is using words and language that no normal human being would understand. Pope Benedict needs to take responsibility for his peoples own actions and figure out a way to help his people, not blame them.

MOTHERS DAY:

Now that I have dropped knowledge of the hard and soft people of the week, I would like to recognize many people who are definitely not soft- and thats MOMS. I want to wish every Mother in the world a Happy Mother's Day and want to thank all of them for everything that they do that make them so special. Happy Mother's Day Mom! BASIC...

FISHIN' FOR ANSWERS:

Derek Fisher came into the 2nd round of the playoffs with the most experience out of anyone on his team when it came to the big game atmosphere. He has 3 world title rings and would stop at nothing to get his 4th. However, after hearing that his daughter had retina cancer, Fisher was forced to miss Game 1 of the 2nd round and fly home and be with his family. Fisher would also end up being absent for Game 2, or so we thought. Fisher flew to the Delta Center in the middle of Game 2, signed his name and turned in his tardy excuse to the principle, and proceeded to enter the arena. When Fisher came out he got a massive acknowledgement from the crowd. He ended up entering the game in the 3rd quarter and nailed a clutch 3-pt basket in overtime to help the Jazz win the game. This brought chills up my arms and reminded me of when I watched my good friend Willis Reed enter the court for the Knicks (while being severely injured) and lead them to a Championship. Alright, so I wasnt around when Reed made history, but I have seen enough clips of it to make me think I watched it live. Fisher was not finished, he decided he was just going to take over Game 4 of this series and scored 14pts in the 4th quarter to give the Jazz a 3-1 lead in the series. Derek Fisher is man among men when it comes to the good person category. He has gained my respect and im sure the respect of thousands of others this week. Congrats on the victory Derek, and I send my best wishes to your daughter.

PS- if the Jazz do end up closing out this series, get ready for a massive column involving my boy Deron Willimas, who Ive been saying all year is the most underrated player in the league. Even though im still pulling for the Warriors, ill be more than happy to see Mr. Underrated move on to the West Finals.

BILL THE BASIC BASTARD:

This section is in response to many years of frustration I have built up against Bill Walton, NBA analyst for ESPN. There is not one game I can turn on without having to listen to Mr. Walton jack off one of the players. My good friend Bill Raftery will tell you that it is the job of an analyst to be impartial and to entertain the audience. Bill Walton possesses none of these qualities and should have his 7 foot saggy and wrinkled ass booted off television. Watching Game 3 of the Cavs-Nets series was an absolute joke. All I heard out of Walton were things like,

"Lebron James should have taken that shot,"

"Larry Hughes should have passed to this guy, "

"The Cavs arent a championship basketball team."

Meanwhile whenever the Nets had the ball I would hear things like....

"Jason Kidd is one of the best players ive ever seen,"

"Vince Carter's critics need to take a back seat to his greatness."

Is it just me or does it seem like Bill Walton has never said one good thing about the city of Cleveland in his pathetic journalistic career. Now this is not just because of what he said last Saturday. This has just been an on-going thing with Walton. Im pretty sure he picks the tallest guy on every team and decides to talk about them like they are the second coming or something. We all know you had a great career Bill, but comparing every single guy in the league to yourself is a boring and washed up cycle you keep taking us through. Im pretty sure a god damn whale could sit-in for Walton and we could find out more from it. At least the whale would be blowing shit out of his head instead of Walton blowing shit out his ass. I have decided that if I ever have to watch another NBA game with Bill Walton on commentary, then the most precious button on my remote will read M-U-T-E.

Fun Fact of the Week:

The record for most consecutive innings for a pitcher to start his career without striking out a batter is 51 by Charlie Pabor in 1871. By the way, Pabor was left-handed...what a disgrace to my community. This fun fact was thrown at me by Jason Fazzone while we were watching his cousin, yes his cousin, make his major league debut for the Yankees. His name is Matt Desalvo and he pitched 7 innings giving up 1 run in his first appearance, and 6 1/3 innings giving up two runs in his second outing. He got the Win in the second game and his first strikeout in his 13th inning as a pro. (Credit: Jason "rabbit ears" Fazzone)


BASIC KNOWLEDGE........