Famous for Being Famous

So a normal night for me is staying up until the late hours of the night and watching tv/roaming youtube videos on my computer. However, tonight I was watching the sports section on CNN when all of a sudden CNN officials break in faster than Ryan Wetzel's golf ball hooks after he hits it. With people on air screaming and panicking I immediately think that in order for this much chaos to be going on George Bush must have choked on another pretzel in the White House. However, I found out that it is even worse. "THE" Paris Hilton is making her way out of jail. OH MY GOD SOMEONE SET THE EARTH ON FIRE!!! Major breaking news: "Paris Hilton is out of jail!"

I could not believe that at 3:30am CNN busted in to show us Paris Hilton walking out of her jail building. She walked up what seemed like a yellow brick road with all the munchkins cheering her on as she entered her limo. By this point I am just dumbfounded at the attention this story is getting. There are people on the streets holding "Liberate Paris" signs, and flashing website's people can go to in order to help or rip on Paris.

This is a true example of someone getting a lot of undeserved attention. What the hell is Paris famous for anyway?

Is it her Simple Life show that got a massive 0.4 rating and went off the air faster than her pants came off in her sex tape?

Speaking of the sex tape, is that the reason she shot to famous town overnight? Lemme tell ya something people, ive seen that tape, and it fucking sucks (no pun intended). And im sure 98% of the men out there have seen it as well and will agree with me. I honestly fell asleep 3 times watching it.

Anyway, Paris was put in jail first for recieving a DUI, and then driving with a suspended license. Paris served 23 days in jail and was whining and crying like a typical celebrity when she was put behind bars. I would like to apologize to her judge in this case for not putting him on my HARD person of the week. This judge had the chance to give in to Paris's bitching and let her avoid the bars and go on house arrest. However, the judge grew a set of nuts of made Paris serve her sentence. If I ever see this judge on the mean streets of Edgewater im gonna have to shake his hand.

So yea I just thought id share my feelings on what I just saw on TV at 3:30am and the ridiculous madness that ensued over some "celebrity" getting out of jail. There are many more stories going on in the world today that CNN would be much better off focusing on....

Top 10 news stories CNN can keep there eye on instead of Paris Hilton:

1. Will Mike Gett ever reach the Earth's atmosphere by getting so high above everyone else?

2. Will Mike Yatsco ever keep his "im sorry" count to under 100 during a 24 hour period?

3. Will Sara Normand send me a picture of herself and a baby "joey" from Australia?

4. The over/under on number of tattoos Mike Hallock will have by age 21

5. The number of times Ryan Wetzel will travel while playing basketball

6. The number of days Jon Brauer goes without saying the word "toesies"

7. Will Don Somers ever finally give up on life?

8. Will Jason Fazzone ever stop trying to be a better shooter than me in basketball?

9. Will Jim Pasquine ever stop playing baseball?

10. Will I ever pass Calculus?

BASIC KNOWLEDGE.............

Triumphant Return of the Knowledge

Welcome back to Po's Knowledge Dropping, its been about 3 weeks since I last wrote an entry and I would like to apologize to all my fans as I have been extremely busy since Ive been home from school. However, I am now officially settled in for the summer and am ready to start blogging on a regular basis again. Now, in the past three weeks there have been so many things that have happened that I have decided just to break down all the stories into a HARD section, and a SOFT section to keep everything organized. So here we go...the hardest and softest stories I have witnessed since my Summer 2007 began.

HARD stories section:

1. -----Michael Gregory Gett-----

What better place to start then by what I experienced at Mike Gett's house this past week. Several of our friends were over his house having a nice relaxing get together while his parents were away at Florida. We all are watching movies and playing a little beer pong. Then all of a sudden, the women show up at the house which turns Gett into a beer guzzling monster. He continuously played games of BP whether he won or lost. In between each game he would take numerous Yeager bombs and thought nothing of it. Trust me I am not against getting wasted at all, but the fact that this man was doing it to show off in front of the woman makes him a ''hard'' individual. Gett continued screaming words and dancing like a moron until most of the people left his house. At approx. 1:00am Gett walked over to his desk, sat down at his computer, and proceeded to puke in every direction imaginable. He puked on his Ipod, his laptop, his shirt, his pants, his carpet, Adele's feet, and my hands. We all got many hilarious pictures of Gett including an "in-action" picture of the vomit actually flying out of Gett's mouth (how graphic is that, really?). After he passed out Adele and Chelsey proceeded to draw penis's and vagina's all over Gett's back with several different colors of markers. Four of us had to stay the night and make sure Gett didnt die. He slept at his desk like a kid in High School study hall would sleep from 1:30-5:00am. He woke up at 5am repeatedly screaming, "WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK!" We explained everything that happened to him and he couldnt believe what he had heard. This is exactly why we give Gett nicknames like, "Mr. Miami" & "Cloud Boy." However as hard as he acted that night, it was still one of the most hilarious nights Ive ever lived. Thanks Cloud Boy!

On a side note here, all of the pictures we have from that night are on my cell phone, and i currently dont know how to put cell phone pictures on the computer, so i just put a picture up here of Gett riding the Merry-Go-Round by himself at Cedar Point 2 years ago.

2. -----Adam "Pacman" Jones-----

The next thing I want to address comes from deep in the heart of YAWN city. Every goddamn day I turn on ESPN I have to see something new happening to Adam "Pacman" Jones. Does this guy serious just wake up every morning and ask himself how hes going to piss off the cops? It seems everyday this guy is getting charged for something or his involved in a criminal act at a strip club. Pacman is currently serving a one year suspension from the NFL because Roger "nig lover" Goodell laid the ax down on him for all of his previous run-ins with law enforcement. Pacman has recently been charged on 2 felony accounts for a shooting in Las Vegas. Also, what the hell is up with all these troubled athletes cutting off their dreadlocks. First Mike Vick and now Pacman Jones has done the same thing for his latest mug shot. Do these athletes think that by cutting of their hair they are going to change their actions. Lemme tell ya something Mr. Pacwoman, if a year long suspension from the NFL cant keep your ass out of trouble...then nothing ever will.

3. -----The Cow on Mike & Mike in the Morning Radio Show-----

Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic host this radio show that takes place every weekday morning at 6am on ESPN radio and ESPN 2. (Yes, I am being paid heavily for plugging their show). These two made a bet over their March Madness brackets back in March. Golic ended up beating Greenberg in their bet, and in return for losing the bet Greenberg had to milk a cow live on the air during their show. Yesterday, was Greenberg's day to finally milk this cow. The reason this is difficult is because Greenberg is a real germ-free kind of guy and cringes at the thought of milking a cow. This story could have fallen under the SOFT category, but the focus is going to be on the Cow that was in the studio that day. The Cow entered the studio around 8am and was standing there very calm making the occasional "moo" sound. It got to the point where Mike & Mike took a commercial and were going to milk the Cow when it returned from the commercial. Apparently the Cow was watching the monitor and saw the Wedny's tree kicking commercial or something and proceed to go on a rage. The cow started running people over running around the studio and knocking over cameras. I think it took a stroll to Studio 3A which is the Sportscenter set before he was tamed and brought back to the Mike & Mike studio. Greenberg was now fearing for his life as he bent down to squeeze the "teet" and milk the Cow. The Cow was still pissed off and decided that no matter how hard Greenberg would squeeze he wasnt going to let any milk out. For a Cow that can hold 40lbs of milk, Greenberg ended up not even getting enough milk out to satisfy my cat. Golic told us there was a total of 2 ounces that came out of the Cow. This Cow should go down in history as one of the hardest Cows on the planet. The next day Greenberg was not on the show, and Golic told us that he was day-to-day with milker's wrist.

4. -----The Cleveland Cavaliers 2006-07 season-----

Obviously nothing is worse than getting swept out of the NBA Finals. Obviously I would be screaming, bitching, swearing, and breaking things while watching my team get swept. Right? Wrong! I couldnt bring myself to getting to my normal pissed off state while watching the NBA Finals. First off all, the fact that the Cavs were in the Finals this year is an amazing accomplishment in itself. The fact that they did it without a true PG is incredible. The fact that they did it with Larry Hughes playing PG is a bigger accomplishment than the US hockey team beating the USSR in the "Miracle on Ice" game back in 1980. This was the most fun Ive ever had following a Cavs team and it has nothing but a bright future with Lebron and Dan Gibson both being barely old enough to chug a beer. If the Cavs front office makes just one strong move in the off-season I cant see anyone besides maybe the Chicago Bulls (with or without Kobe) making the NBA Finals. Right now Im hearing names like Earl Boykins, Michael Redd, Mike Bibby, or even Chauncey B-B-B-Billups being in contention to be playing in Wine and Gold next season. Personally I would like to see the Cavs make a move in next weeks draft much like their inner city boys did when the Browns made a move for Brady. The Cavs have no draft pick this year and I would like to see Ferry trade anyone but Lebron to get a draft pick and get one of my two favorite players in this years draft- either of the two young, left-handed point guards in Mike Conley Jr. and Acie Law IV. Either way, Dan Ferry better not lose his balls like he did at the All-Star break last year, and better get one of the guys I listed above. Otherwise, its gonna be very difficult for the Cavs to get back to the Finals next year.

***writers note: its 6pm right now and Sportscenter just came on, and the first story was..... shockingly Mr. Pacman Jones, who woulda saw that one coming?...

SOFT stories section:

1. -----Kobe Bryant-----

Kobe changing his damn mind every single day about wanting to be traded. Thats all I have to say about this because I am sick and tired of this story on ESPN everyday also.

2. -----Power and Toe-----

I just want to take this time and congratulate my good friends Jon Brauer and Laura Bernheim for finally patching things up and getting back together. Everyone in the soft community was going crazy when they found out their spokespersons had broke it off. The soft community was in denial and about to be torn down when all of a sudden the softest relationship in the history of mankind was saved. This is also good news for me because now when watching basketball games together I will always know exactly how cold Laura's toesies become. Congratulations again to you two and cant wait until next year.

3. -----Zach Frazier (Rangers bullpen catcher)-----

In case youre living in a hole, Sammy Sosa jacked his 600th homerun of his career last Tuesday into the bullpen of his own team. Sosa of course was very happy the ball went into the bullpen because now he would be able to have this historic ball to keep on one of his mantles in his home. WRONG! The ball was caught by the Texas Rangers bullpen catcher, Zach Frazier. Instead of giving the ball directly to Sosa, Fraizer is holding the ball hostage and demanding some kind of compensation from Sosa in order for him to give up the ball. Reportedly they are close to an agreement that would have Sosa giving Fraizer his 2007 Range Rover car in exchange for the ball. The fact that Fraizer would hold this ball hostage from one of his teammates is just ridiculous. I have never heard of something so stupid in my life. I realize that the average salary of a bullpen catcher isnt what it used to be... but holding a mans 600th HR ball ransom is just bush-league.

4. -----40 yr old track coach Brenton Wuchae & 16 yr old track star Windy Hagar-----

The Hagers are trying to figure out how life went off track for their teenage daughter, Windy.
They envisioned that life for the good student and promising athlete would be filled with dreams of the prom and college, but that all changed this week when Windy, 16, married her high school track coach.

"She was a dream kid," said her mother, Betty Hager. "We'd never have to worry about Windy trying to get by with something."

"She just always was outside, always running, and her name's Windy — I guess she was predestined to do love to do that," Betty said.

During Windy's freshman year, her 38-year-old track coach, Brenton Wuchae, began taking a more active interest in her, offering to give the 14-year-old rides home from practice.

I cant even continue this story without puking...just know that the parents were forced into signing the consent forms and the girl has moved schools, and the track coach has resigned. Thank God nothing like that happens around here in my neck of the woods.

Fun Facts are back:

-Miguel Tejada's streak of 1,152 consecutive games played came to an end as he was placed on the DL today. This streak was over 7 years of no rest for Tejada and was truly a great accomplishment as it was the 5th longest streak in MLB history. Cal Ripken Jr breathes a big sigh of relief. The next highest on the list is Juan Pierre with 344 straight games played, and then Grady Sizemore with 267 straight games played.

Which record will be broken first?

A. Cal Ripken Jr.'s 2,632 consecutive games played streak

B. Joe Dimaggio's 52-game hitting streak

C. Both

D. Neither

-Roger Clemens is a gay, money grabbing faggot who sits out half a season and makes 50 million bucks to pitch one day and sit at home 4 other days.....dahhhhh wait thats not the fun fact.... the fun fact is that yesterday Roger Clemens became the oldest player in Yankees history to get a base hit. Once again a great accomplishment but also proves Clemens needs to stop coming out of retirement every year because he is very old.

BASIC KNOWLEDGE................

End of Week Recap: May 21-May 29

Just to make sure all of my readers out there arent confused- yes, the week recap is coming out on a Tuesday. I fell behind in my blogging due to going home over the weekend and due to Memorial day being a day of rest for all sports writers like myself. I would like to publicly apologize to everyone who may have been going through withdrawals and/or throwing things at their computer when they found out my blog was being delayed. Moreover, my knowledge will be coming from the 10 day period from May 21-May 29 instead of the basic 7 day routine. Enough bullshit, time to drop the hard and soft people from the week...

Hardass of the Week: Steve Javey (NBA official)

After everything that happened with the Joey Crawford saga, you would think that these NBA officials would learn that they are not the main attraction at an NBA event. Apparently Steve Javey was too slicking his hair back with his 10 lbs of hair gel instead of watching the Crawford incident. Last night in Game 4 of the Spurs/Jazz playoff series, Steve Javey decided he was going to steal the show and gave out a total of 4 technicals fouls in the 4th Quarter.

Technical 1:
Tim Duncan gets fouled underneath the basket and Jerry Sloan yells, "wrong" and puts his hands in the air. BAM TECHINCAL from Javey

Technical 2:
Derek Fisher is running to the bench after a timeout is called and gives a little shove to Manu Ginobili. Ginobili goes flying like a 5 yr old who just fell off of his training wheels. BAM TECHNICAL from Javey

Technical 3:
Sloan goes up to Javey and disputes his previous technical foul of Fisher, Sloan gets scared after he sees his reflection in Javey's slicked up hair, BAM TECHNICAL & BAM EJECTION from Javey

Technical 4:
Fisher goes to foul Ginobli at the end of the game and fouls the guy a little harder than a normal foul. Javey realizes the crowd is no longer focused on him, so he goes up to Fisher and... you guessed it, BAM TECHNICAL & BAM EJECTION from Javey

The crowd then eruptes into a "Javey sucks" chant for a solid 5 minutes, the camera focuses on Javey who is standing their with his gay little whistle in his mouth and cracks a smile.

Honorable Mention for Hardass of Week: Kid in the park
Local boy named Jeff "creamsicle" Creamer recently had a biking accident on the bike path near Nelsonville. He fell off the back of his bike at a speed of 20mph and tore the shit out of his leg. With blood flowing and dripping everywhere, a random kid rides up next to Creamer and says, "hey buddy, how ya doin?" The kid then just rides away laughing and is never seen from again.


Softass of the Week: Indianapolis 500 coordinators/Indy race league
Please take a few seconds and imagine the following scenarios with me:
-This years Superbowl ends in the 3rd quarter due to rain and a champion is crowned
- Roger Federer wins the first set at Wimbledon and is declared Champion after rain falls
- Phil Mickelson wins the Masters by 1 shot over Tiger Woods after the final 3 holes are cancelled due to rain
- the Indy 500 is won by Dario Francetti after rain shortens the race by 34 laps

Sadly, the last fact up there is true. The "important" people who run the Indy 500 race decided to frown upon finishing the race later, or finishing the race the next day...but instead decided to just quit and give the race to the leader (Francetti) at the time of the rain. This is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, and one of the dumbest things Indy car racing could have ever done. In Indy car racing, the Indy 500 is their version of the Superbowl, World Series, and Wimbledon. Can anyone imagine those events getting shortened due to rain? The fact that there was a winner declared after just 166 of the scheduled 200 laps is an injustice to every other driver, not too mention the hundreds of thousands of fans in attendance that day. This is the ONLY race that people watch during the Indy racing year, and instead of witnessing an Indy 500, we all saw an Indy 415 or something. As much as I loved seeing a soaking wet Ashley Judd jumping up and down in victory lane celebrating with her husband, it is still a pile of monkey feces that the race had to end this way.

Time to recognize:

I have been waiting to incorporate this section into a blog for an entire year. It is time for the public to recognize and appreciate Utah Jazz point guard, Deron Williams. I have been saying all year that this man was the most underrated player in the NBA, and his constant flying under the radar proved me right. Not one single analyst even mentioned Deron Williams name when they talked about who are among the elite young players in the NBA. Elite young players? How about elite players, PERIOD!
Not only has Deron been disrespected in the NBA, but it goes all the way back to when he was at Illinois. He was a member of Illinois "Big 3" when they started off the season 29-0 and went all the way to the national championship that year. However, during this season it was all about how guards Dee Brown and Luther Head were dominating each game, with again Deron flying under the radar.
Finally, with his team traveling to the Western Conference Finals this year...Deron is finally getting recognized by journalists and analyst all over the place. Id just like to say that its about fucking time people, and that the scouts are fucking dumb for not realizing this kids potential in the beginning. The only thing hes down is average 30.1 points per game in the Western Conf. Finals in his first year as a starting point guard, now maybe if that douche bag Carlos Boozer would help him out a little, this could be yet another team that Deron leads to a Championship run.

Au Revoir, Andy:

This is becoming about as basic of knowledge as you can get in the sports world. Andy Roddick loses in his 1st round match at the French Open. Roddick was the 3 seed entering this tournament and lost to un-seeded Igor Andreev in 4 sets. Andy Roddick has always struggled ridiculously on the red clay of Roland Garros, but this is just getting terrible. Roddick even admitted in his press conference after the match that he was thinking about just giving up on clay matches all together. I think that this would be a huge mistake on his part, but each match that I see him play on clay makes me lean the other way. I am just stunned that someone who can play so well on grass and hard court could have so much trouble adjusting his game to the slower clay surface. He needs to find a way to avoid being exploited when the clay slows down his serve and weakens his game. He said that he thought he was playing better on clay and adjusting every year, he better be telling the truth, cause Andy Roddick has no business losing to god damn qualifiers in major tournaments.

Fun Fact:

Michael Cooper is the only man on this planet to win a Championship while coaching an NBA team, a WNBA team, and an NBDL team. Truly a dominant accomplishment that not many people know about.

BASIC KNOWLEDGE.............

End of Week Recap: May 14- May 20

Hardass of the Week: Samantha Larson (18 year old California girl)

Normally the average 18 year old American girl

who is looking to make an impact in life is busy writing somewhere around 7 college admissions essays, not Samantha Larson. Instead of 7 admissions essays, Samantha decided she was going to reach the peak of 7 different mountain tops by her young age of 18. Her amazing journey reached its "peak" when she recently became the youngest person ever to reach the top of Mount Everest. She was accompanied by her dad for this trip, and immediately phoned home once the two reached this amazing accomplishment. At 29,000 feet in the air the first thing Samantha told her Mom was, "I'm tired."

Samantha has now climbed all of the elusive 'Seven Summits,' the highest mountains on each continent, including Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania and Mount Elbrus in Russia.

"It's amazing at any age," says Phil Ershler, and he should know. Ershler was the first American to scale the North face of Everest in 1984, and he's written several books – the latest with his wife Susan, his climbing partner.

Samantha's next feat is making it back to the East coast in time for her brother's college graduation.

Softass of the Week: Mark Cuban (Dallas Mavericks owner)

I absolutely love Mark Cuban, this is why it pains me to put him on my softass of the week board. Cuban has left me no choice after pulling his soft antics during the MVP press conference of Cuban's best player, Dirk Nowitski. Cuban was introducing Dirk to accept his MVP award for the 2006-07 NBA season. As many of the media reported, Dirk did not deserve the MVP this year and only won it based upon the letter of the law stating it is a regular season award. Wow, where have I heard the term "letter of the law before?" Anyway, while doing his introduction Cuban broke down into tears and had to stop several times. I wasnt sure whether Cuban was crying out of joy that one of his players won the MVP, or out of sadness that his 67-win team got bounced in the 1st round by the Cinderella Warriors. Either way, putting on a gay little show and crying when you are the owner of a team is one of the softest things anyone can do. I still love ya Mark, but you need some psychological help, not too mention a superstar who doesnt disappear during the clutch moments.

NBA Playoffs:

The year 1992.

The year Mike Tyson was given a 6 year jail sentence for rape.

The year Robert Schumann, 10, became the youngest person to visit the North Pole.

The year Jay Leno took over for Johnny Carson.
The year Bill Clinton became President.

The year Mike Hallock officially came out of the closet.

And yes, the year the Cleveland Cavaliers last made the Eastern Conference Finals.

The year 2007. The Cavs have returned to the East Finals.

Cavs vs Pistons begins on Monday May 21st with Game 1 8:00 TNT

Promo- LOST Season 3 Finale:

Normally i dont do any promos for TV shows on this blog, but this week I can make an exception. The season finale of LOST happens this Wednesday night from 9-11. The 2 hour finale is going to be centered around the "others" attacking the camp of flight 815 which will be the first time many of the others have ever been on that side of the island. Hopefully it will also tell us what the hell is going on with Charlie in his little underwater hatch station, but i doubt it. Finally we better find out whether Mr. Locke is alive or not, i personally dont think he is dead and plan on him making a massive killing of someone at the end of the finale to save the day. No matter what happens this will easily be the best episode out of any of the first 3 seasons.

Time to hit fun fact city:

1. Time to give this years NHL playoffs a little love. 63% of the games this year have ended with

one goal differences. 17 games total went to overtime with 8 of them being multi-overtime games. No matter how long or boring people may say the NHL season is, the NHL playoffs still remain very high on the list of most exciting sports games.

2. On Sunday, Andruw Jones became the first Atlanta Brave since David Justice in 1993 to strikeout 5 times in one game. Considering Jones is on my fantasy team, and considering I lost this week by HALF a point, I was not happy to see this fun fact.

3. Rafael Nadal's 81 match win streak on clay came to an end on Saturday when he was defeated by world no. 1, Roger Federer. This streak was the longest by anyone on any surface, lasted 769 straight days, and 52 different men fell to just another notch on the belt of the streak.

4. We all know about Joe Dimaggio's unbreakable record of hitting in 56 straight games. Well it turns out that Joe hit in 76 of 79 games during that same season. I was stunned to hear from Peter Gammons that heading into this week, Derek Jeter had hit in 71 of his last 74 games. This proves my theory that the media pressure is the number one thing that destroys most athletes who are going for greatness. However, it is the truly dominant athletes that ignore this pressure and can still rise to the top. Something Lebron James may be on the verge of accomplishing this season.

5. Two different amazing feats were accomplished this weekend. Randy Johnson got a Win in his 41st different ballpark, and Sammy Sosa hit a HR in his 45th different ballpark. Not only are these stats impressive, but it also validates the old age of both of these men.

6. If I hear the phrase basic knowledge used one more time on Around the Horn, I am suing for copyright infringement.

BASIC KNOWLEDGE..........

Bored as shit in Philosophy Class

Yea the title basically says it all... right now I am so bored that I can either A) inject myself with a lethal dose of poison... B) stick a gun down my throat and pull the trigger... C) write another blog. As tempting as A & B sound right now, I think ill do a little blogging. Right now my professor is screaming about the political impact John Rawls had in the state of nature, god I think I fell asleep twice while writing that sentence. Anyway, time to give out a huntin' award, and drop a fun fact or two.

I was like BITCH, get me a turkey sandwich and some huntin' guns, FO FREE:

First I would like to congratulate my good friend Jon "turkey hunter" Brauer for finally killing something other than time on his huntin' trips. After numerous attempts, and after several straight mornings of waking up at 4:30 AM, he has finally killed a turkey. It looks like I am going to have to step up my game now and blow the brains out of a squirrel or something to stay even with Brauer's pace of one dead animal per year. All this drama of turkey huntin' comes just days after Brauer led his hunting troops into battle against the mean wildlife our world has to offer. The huntin' buddies went out to the middle of basically nowhere in a first class log cabin complete with a jacuzzi, a plasma screen TV, and a refrigerator full of deer meat. Not only was this probably the softest cabin this side of the Mississippi, but they also spent two days huntin' and never even saw an animal. How these guys can go out into the wilderness day after day and get excitement out of finding nothing is beyond me. I will give them credit for staying committed though, i know i never would be able to give such a commitment, even if they do have to wear fury little pants to do so. So if anyone sees Mr. Brauer around campus, be sure to congratulate this man for finally ending the life of a poor innocent turkey. Gobble, Gobble, people...Gobble, Gobble!

One Shining Moment scores a touchdown?:

Im sure that by now everyone is familiar with the annual playing of the "One Shining Moment" theme song that plays each year at the end of the NCAA basketball title game for the respective Champion. However, how many people knew that this legendary song was actually never intended to be played for basketball. In fact, the song was originally supposed to air at the end of the 1987 Superbowl between the New York Giants and the Denver Broncos, but the game ran long and CBS never got the chance to play the song. Two months later, the song debuted for the 1987 NCAA tournament which saluted the Indiana Hoosiers on winning the NCAA Championship that year. The songs first line was changed from "the ball is kicked" to "the ball is tipped" to accommodate the switch from football to basketball. I would be foolish if I didnt give credit to one of my good friends, Armen Keteyian, for suggesting that CBS aired the song. Armen is a sideline/on-court reporter for CBS and should have gotten a massive raise for suggesting this idea.

The original version of the song was written by another one of my good friends, David Barrett. In 1997, CBS tried an alternate version of the song by Teddy Pendergrass. However this song got a ''horrible response'' and im pretty sure Pendergrass was exiled from the country, brutally stabbed to death, and eaten by angry polar bears for trying to ruin America's favorite song. In 2003, when the Syracuse Orangemen won the National Championship, CBS changed singers and gave "One Shining Moment" a new look. Luther Vandross, who had been to only one basketball game in his life, was the new singer, and the video didn't have any special effects like glowing basketballs and star trails like it did in previous years. Each year, David Barrett receives around $50,000 from CBS to use his song after the NCAA title game. Maybe I need to go into song writing and make $50,000 to hear one of my songs air for 3 minutes per year. If anyone would like to re-live the magic of the last 10 years of One Shining Moment videos please click on this site http://tmastc.blogspot.com/2007/03/one-shining-moment.html

More mentionable fun facts:

1. It has been studied and proven that left-handed women have a 70% greater risk of dying from cancer and a 30% greater risk of dying from a circulatory disease. QUE LASTIMA lefty women

2. The Chicago Bulls recently avoided being swept by the Pistons last Sunday, improving their streak to 29 straight series without being swept. The Boston Celtics hold the all-time record with 46 straight series without being swept. Some white guy with a moustache may have had something to do with that streak.

3. It appears that half the city of Poland is coming down to Athens this weekend, with 50% having no clue where they are sleeping. Considering I like only about 2 or 3 of the people coming...it looks like some people are gonna be SLEEPIN ON DA STREET....

BASIC KNOWLEDGE..............

End of Week Recap: May 7-May 13

Hardass of the week: Vernon Wells (Toronto Blue Jays CF)

In a recent game played in Cleveland, OH at Jacobs Field, Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Vernon Wells was being a basic outfielder when he started to hear screaming from the fans. It turned out he had a heckler named Jeff Raycher.

Raycher and some of the other "Bleacher Creatures" had a running, good natured banter going with Wells that ended with Wells tossing a ball to Raycher complete with a tongue-in-cheek message.

Between innings he got a new ball and wrote a message to the fan, then when he went back on the field the next inning he tossed it to him.

The message?

"Dear Mr. Dork,

Here's your ball, now please tell me what gas station you work at so I can come and yell at you when you're working. Please sit down, shut up and enjoy the game. From your favorite centre fielder, Vernon Wells."

"They all loved it," Wells said. "It's something that I've done before, maybe a handful of times. It gets them on your side."

"Usually all we get is a tip of the hat or a wave," Raycher said of their heckling of whomever the center fielder is that's playing against their beloved Indians. "This night we had at least 100 or so (fans) jumping on board and getting on Vernon pretty good."

The insanity ceases to end at Jacobs Field. Raycher and company plan on hitting the road and driving to Detroit for the Blue Jays make-up game against the Tigers on Sept. 10th, the sky is the limit on what could happen that night.

Softass of the Week: Pope Benedict XVI

Pope Benedict XVI blamed Marxism and unbridled capitalism for Latin America's problems on Sunday, and urged bishops to mold a new generation of Roman Catholic leaders in politics to reverse the church's declining influence in the region.

Like his predecessor, Pope John Paul II, Benedict criticized capitalism's negative effects and Marxist influences that have motivated some grass-roots Catholic activists, remnants of the Liberation theology he moved to crush when he was a cardinal.

Not only is this man blaming his problems on other people, he is using words and language that no normal human being would understand. Pope Benedict needs to take responsibility for his peoples own actions and figure out a way to help his people, not blame them.

MOTHERS DAY:

Now that I have dropped knowledge of the hard and soft people of the week, I would like to recognize many people who are definitely not soft- and thats MOMS. I want to wish every Mother in the world a Happy Mother's Day and want to thank all of them for everything that they do that make them so special. Happy Mother's Day Mom! BASIC...

FISHIN' FOR ANSWERS:

Derek Fisher came into the 2nd round of the playoffs with the most experience out of anyone on his team when it came to the big game atmosphere. He has 3 world title rings and would stop at nothing to get his 4th. However, after hearing that his daughter had retina cancer, Fisher was forced to miss Game 1 of the 2nd round and fly home and be with his family. Fisher would also end up being absent for Game 2, or so we thought. Fisher flew to the Delta Center in the middle of Game 2, signed his name and turned in his tardy excuse to the principle, and proceeded to enter the arena. When Fisher came out he got a massive acknowledgement from the crowd. He ended up entering the game in the 3rd quarter and nailed a clutch 3-pt basket in overtime to help the Jazz win the game. This brought chills up my arms and reminded me of when I watched my good friend Willis Reed enter the court for the Knicks (while being severely injured) and lead them to a Championship. Alright, so I wasnt around when Reed made history, but I have seen enough clips of it to make me think I watched it live. Fisher was not finished, he decided he was just going to take over Game 4 of this series and scored 14pts in the 4th quarter to give the Jazz a 3-1 lead in the series. Derek Fisher is man among men when it comes to the good person category. He has gained my respect and im sure the respect of thousands of others this week. Congrats on the victory Derek, and I send my best wishes to your daughter.

PS- if the Jazz do end up closing out this series, get ready for a massive column involving my boy Deron Willimas, who Ive been saying all year is the most underrated player in the league. Even though im still pulling for the Warriors, ill be more than happy to see Mr. Underrated move on to the West Finals.

BILL THE BASIC BASTARD:

This section is in response to many years of frustration I have built up against Bill Walton, NBA analyst for ESPN. There is not one game I can turn on without having to listen to Mr. Walton jack off one of the players. My good friend Bill Raftery will tell you that it is the job of an analyst to be impartial and to entertain the audience. Bill Walton possesses none of these qualities and should have his 7 foot saggy and wrinkled ass booted off television. Watching Game 3 of the Cavs-Nets series was an absolute joke. All I heard out of Walton were things like,

"Lebron James should have taken that shot,"

"Larry Hughes should have passed to this guy, "

"The Cavs arent a championship basketball team."

Meanwhile whenever the Nets had the ball I would hear things like....

"Jason Kidd is one of the best players ive ever seen,"

"Vince Carter's critics need to take a back seat to his greatness."

Is it just me or does it seem like Bill Walton has never said one good thing about the city of Cleveland in his pathetic journalistic career. Now this is not just because of what he said last Saturday. This has just been an on-going thing with Walton. Im pretty sure he picks the tallest guy on every team and decides to talk about them like they are the second coming or something. We all know you had a great career Bill, but comparing every single guy in the league to yourself is a boring and washed up cycle you keep taking us through. Im pretty sure a god damn whale could sit-in for Walton and we could find out more from it. At least the whale would be blowing shit out of his head instead of Walton blowing shit out his ass. I have decided that if I ever have to watch another NBA game with Bill Walton on commentary, then the most precious button on my remote will read M-U-T-E.

Fun Fact of the Week:

The record for most consecutive innings for a pitcher to start his career without striking out a batter is 51 by Charlie Pabor in 1871. By the way, Pabor was left-handed...what a disgrace to my community. This fun fact was thrown at me by Jason Fazzone while we were watching his cousin, yes his cousin, make his major league debut for the Yankees. His name is Matt Desalvo and he pitched 7 innings giving up 1 run in his first appearance, and 6 1/3 innings giving up two runs in his second outing. He got the Win in the second game and his first strikeout in his 13th inning as a pro. (Credit: Jason "rabbit ears" Fazzone)


BASIC KNOWLEDGE........

End of Week Recap: April 30-May 6

Its time to get back to my original form of blogging, that being all my opinions on every major thing that happened during the week. In addtion to my basic material, I will be kicking off each week recap with a new segment called: ''Hardass/Softass''. This will be where I will feature the softest and hardest person from the week (sports related or otherwise). So as my good friend Judge Mills Lane would say, "Lets Get It On!"

Hardass of the Week: Floyd Mayweather Jr.

I dont even know where to begin with this guy. All week the only thing this guy did was run his mouth about how he was going to crush and dominate Oscar De La Hoya. Mayweather may not have dominated, but he kept to his word and defeated De La Hoya in their title bout Saturday night. In one of the closest fights boxing has seen in a while, Mayweather ended up winning in a split decision by a score of 116-113. In true hardass fashion, Mayweather announced his retirement from boxing in his post-fight interview. Stephen A. Smith who shockingly is a boxing fan told the public that he guarantees there will be a rematch sometime in the future between these two.

Softass of the Week: Tracy McGrady

"If this team doesnt get out of the 1st round, its on me."

"IF THIS TEAM DOESNT GET OUT OF THE FIRST ROUND, ITS ON ME"

Yes, both of these comments were stated by Tracy McGrady prior to his first round series with the Utah Jazz. McGrady said it the first time, and shouted it the second time. Normally, this would make someone end up on my hardass list- however, what I witnessed happened Saturday night made my soft radar go bananas. The Houston Rockets lost to the Utah Jazz 103-99 in Game 7 of their first round series causing Tracy McGrady to lose yet again in the first round of the playoffs. Ill admit I instantly felt bad for T-Mac watching him walk off the court a loser once again. However, after watching McGrady break down to tears in his press conference I immediately revoked any of my sympathy towards this man. When someone acts like such a tough guy before a 7 game series, saying how it is his team and everything is on him, then there is no way you can cry after you lose. If you are going to act like a man before the series, then you need to act like a man after the series as well. No one died. No one got hurt. No one needs to cry. T-Mac needs to go back home to his 12-story mansion, his 50 million dollar contract, his 80,000 ft backyard and shut the hell up. Congratulations T-Mac, I can no longer officially root for you anymore. QUE LASTIMA!

Po the Playoff Predictor:

Sticking with the NBA Playoff theme, I would like to take a couple sentences and express a little hardness myself. As I walk down the hall of my dorm on this lovely May night, I take pride in many of my neighbors nicknaming me 'Po the Predictor.' Reason for this is due to me nailing all 8 first round NBA series with the Pistons, Bulls, Nets, Cavs, Warriors, Jazz, Spurs, and Suns all advancing to the 2nd round. Accomplishing that is a great feat in itself- however, I decided to take it one step further. I woke up Saturday morning, brushed my teeth, took a trip uptown to Wendy's, watched a little TV, and then told myself I was going to throw out some more predictions. I predicted that 'Street Sense' would win the Kentucky Derby...WON, I predicted Floyd Mayweather would win his fight...WON, and i predicted the Pistons and Jazz would be victorious... BOTH WON.

2nd round Predictions:

Pistons/Bulls- The Baby Bulls proved they have grown up a little bit as they have finally won a 1st round playoff series for the first time since the days of a guy named Michael Jordan. The Pistons have continually showed their dominance by advancing to the 2nd round for what seems like the 100th year in a row. Personally I hate both of these teams , but I have a feeling the Pistons will prevail in 7 games due to their pure experience.

Cavs/Nets- Obviously this is going to be a bias opinion, but i think that the Cavs will end up winning this series in 6 games. I feel the fatigue of the Nets will eventually catch up to them as the series gets deeper. The Cavs havent lost a game since April 8th, and have also not stepped foot in an official game in almost a week. I expect the Cavs inconsistency to kick in as they will probably lose Games 2 and 4, but will ultimately prevail and advance to the conference finals.

Warriors/Jazz- The Warriors are the feel good team of the playoffs. Deron Williams is the most underrated player in the NBA. Carlos Boozer is a flamming douche bag. Stephen Jackson will murder you in cold blood if he ever sees you in a dark alley. Don Nelson gets drunk before and after every game he coaches. Mark Cuban will buy a ticket to the Warriors home games and will root for the Jazz. The Warriors will win this series in 6 games.










• Suns/Spurs- Steve Nash=2 time MVP, Tim Duncan=YAWN, Winner=Suns in 7 games, *Im keeping this one short, so everyone can stare at Eva!!!!!*

Double the surface, Double the fun:

Another interesting event occurred this past week in the world of tennis. As we all know, Roger Federer is the unstoppable #1 player in the world. As we all know, Rafael Nadal is the thorn in Roger Federer's side as he is ranked #2 in the world. Each man has his own dominant court surface- Federer his grass, Nadal his clay. Every time these two meet on grass, Federer wins. Every time these two meet on clay, Nadal wins. Geez if only we could somehow combine surfaces and then see who the better man ends up being. Hahahaha yea what wishful thinking...............OH BUT WAIT, as it turns out there was some genius that decided this phenomenon was possible. Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal faced off in the first ever grass/clay court match in tennis history. The playing surface was exactly that- 1/2 grass and 1/2 clay. This unbelievable creature displayed itself in Switzerland and had the Swiss crowd buzzing. The end result was Nadal defeated Federer in 3 sets which I guess proved once and for all who the better tennis player is. Now all Nadal has to do is win about 10 more Grand Slams and he can officially make that claim.

Fun Facts of the Week:

Juan Castro has the most plate appearances without ever getting hit by a pitch with 2,324 appearances. (Credit: Laura Bernheim)

Robert Horry just recently improved his first round playoff series record to an amazing 15-0. He has never lost a first round playoff series in his career. (Credit: Stuart Scott)

BASIC KNOWLEDGE.........

Warriors...Come out to Plaaayyy!!!

Before I talk about the dominance that was displayed by the Golden State Warriors in their first round series, let me explain my inspiration for blogging. My all-time favorite basketball player, Gilbert Arenas, was chosen to write a blog for an entire year for nba.com. After reading his blog for an entire NBA season he has inspired me to do the same. I used to post my thoughts on my ''about me section'' of facebook, but as blog spot continually read my columns they realized I deserved a massive promotion and I ended up here. Granted the facebook developers were devastated when they found out I was moving on, (mainly because none of their other writers will write about NASCAR) but that is just the life of a highly recruited journalist. One last thing for all my readers out there...you can criticize me on my opinions all you want, I actually encourage it. However, no one better be gay and criticize my "writing style." I am writing this with no previous blogging experience and ZERO journalism classes (unlike many of my friends). On second thought, if you want to criticize my writing ability go right ahead, but you can also blow me first. Other than that, have a wonderful day!

The day the Warriors got into the playoffs as the number 8 seed, I knew that Mark Cuban's boys were in for a hell of a series. It could have just been a gut feeling, it could have been the fact that Golden State was 3-0 vs Dallas during the regular season, or it could have been the fact that Don Nelson is the coach of the Warriors. Don Nelson (or Nellie, whichever you prefer) used to coach the Dallas Mavericks and their superstar Dirk Nowitski. Nellie knew everything about Dirk, and used all that basic knowledge to exploit him during this series. The Warriors stole Game 1 in Dallas which shocked the world. Golden State lost Game 2 after some shaky officiating as my boy Stephen Jackson (or as i like to call him, Glock) was ejected and fined heavily for not leaving the court after his ejection. Charles Barkley (or fat no-nothing fuckstick) then stated his opinion on the rest of the series.

"Now that Dallas has won a game, Golden State is going to wake up and realize they're in the playoffs," Barkley said. "They're not going to win another game this series."

I could feel my face getting red and my knuckles starting to clench. Did Barkley really just say that? I was now rooting for Golden State almost as hard as I root for the Cavs. So I down a few days later to watch Game 3 which shifted to the Bay Area. This is where Mr. Barkley opened his mouth again and claimed he would rather take a trip with his co-host to Sausalito instead of visiting the Bay Area.

"The Bay Area is the dumping ground for all the poor people who cant afford to live in Los Angeles," Barkley empathically said. "Id rather go with you and your wife to Sausalito, Kenny."

The madness had to stop, I went down to Riverpark to watch with my two best and softest friends, Jason and Jonathon. Jonathon missed most of the game because he and his father had to wake up at 4:30am the next morning so they could go Huntin'.

Game 3 was over pretty much before it even started as the Warriors wiped the hell out of the Mavs, and took a 2-1 series lead. I felt myself falling in love with this team more and more each game that I watched. So then I had a basic weekend waiting for Game 4 to tip off on Sunday night. Again, I went over to the soft apartment in Riverpark to witness all the action. It was a close game all the way up until the 3rd quarter when i got a phone call from Adele and went to the balcony for over an hour to talk. I thought to myself, alright this is probably better that I didn't watch the 3rd quarter because I would have exploded if I had. Dallas had taken control of the game and had a pretty good size lead. I walked back inside and right as I sat down the Warriors decided to turn it on. They proceeded to go on 19-4 run to clinch game 4. I then wondered if I had something to do with the Warriors playing well. Nonetheless, the Golden State Warriors were up 3-1 in the series and on the brink of NBA history. Unfortunately I had to suffer through eight damn hours of class on Tuesday before I could watch Game 5 which was back in Dallas. The entire first part of the game belonged to Dallas as they went up 57-36 in the 2nd quarter. Oddly enough i had turned off the 2nd quarter so i could watch the 9th inning of the Indians game. I hadn't recieved news that the Warriors were down 21 until i got a message from Jason saying, "This is ugly." I immediately flipped back to TNT and they indeed were down by 21. So I threw down my remote and started swearing. As i fumbled through the numerous pieces my remote had shattered into, i watched the Warriors go on a tear and cut the lead all the way down to 7 by halftime. Was I really affecting how the Warriors played? Whether the answer is yes-or-no, I didn't care. I knew that nothing was making me turn this TV off of TNT. The Warriors played their hearts out in the 2nd half and could smell history in the making. After an incredible 3 point shot from Baron Davis, the Warriors took a 112-103 lead with 3 minutes left. What happened in the next 15 minutes of my life is hard to even describe. I could only image what was going through the Bay Area's mind as the Mavericks went on a 15-0 run to end the game, and Stephen Jackson got ejected for the 2nd time in the series. The Warriors had gone from good NBA history with an upset- to bad NBA history with a choke job.

With as devastating a loss as it was, I still had faith in my Bay Area homies. So Game 6 was back in Golden State on Thursday night. Which of course meant another eight damn hours of class before being able to watch. Tip-off didn't take place til almost 11pm. Which I love because you find out who the real NBA fans are with a game that late. So after all the soft ice cream men and women went to bed, this game got underway. It was the most electric crowd I have ever heard. The first half consisted of Dirk Nowitski going 1-10 from the field and the Warriors having a 50-48 lead. Not too mention one of the most courageous performances I have ever seen out of Baron Davis. This man pulled the shit out of his hamstring in the 1st Quarter. He returned to the game and made unthinkable 3-pt shots to keep the Warriors in the game. So I took a walk down the hall, gave a high-five to my fellow nigga's during the halftime break and then returned to my room. I could not believe what would happen next. My boy Stephen "Glock" Jackson decided he was going to go absolutely insane and started making 3-pt shots out of nowhere. At one point he was 7-7 from behind the arc. The entire team was jolted by Glock's performance and when it was all said and done the Golden State Warriors had made NBA history. I was so happy for everyone on this team, and even more happy that i got to experience the biggest upset in NBA history.

After the game the camera immediately shot to Mark Cuban, the colorful owner of the Dallas Mavericks.

"---- YOU, GO TO ----, YOU ----ING PIECE OF ----, Cuban shouted at the camera.

Everyone can tell me how they hate Mark Cuban, but I love him. He is exactly the kind of person the NBA needs in the game. He attracts attention, speaks his opinion, and adds interest to any game that is being played. The NBA needs more guys like Mark Cuban. Regardless, i still got a lot of pleasure out of watching his team go down hard.

Meanwhile, TNT stayed at the arena and showed the Warriors celebrating like they had just won the NBA Finals. Their was t-shirt wearing, autographs being signed, not too mention the mosh-pits that were taking place with some of the players in the crowd. After the historic celebration it was time for the moment I had been waiting for all night long. Cameras went back to the studio for the post-game show. I absolutely loved what I saw. Charles Barkley wearing a Golden State "We Believe" t-shirt. I give credit to Barkley for taking his abuse and wearing that t-shirt just like he promised. He credited the Warriors for playing a hell of a series and proving his ass dead wrong.

Out of all the quotes that I heard during the past two weeks for this series, probably the one that made me laugh the most is when Kenny Smith said that the Dallas Mavericks should change their names to the Dallas Ponies for playing so soft during the series. I have to agree 100% with Kenny on this one. The number 1 seed in the playoffs, the 67 win team, the best team in the league, the MVP of the league...all of these facts lead to a 1st round exit in the playoffs? Hopefully the Cavaliers never have any of those qualities on their team. BASIC KNOWLEDGE...