Famous for Being Famous

So a normal night for me is staying up until the late hours of the night and watching tv/roaming youtube videos on my computer. However, tonight I was watching the sports section on CNN when all of a sudden CNN officials break in faster than Ryan Wetzel's golf ball hooks after he hits it. With people on air screaming and panicking I immediately think that in order for this much chaos to be going on George Bush must have choked on another pretzel in the White House. However, I found out that it is even worse. "THE" Paris Hilton is making her way out of jail. OH MY GOD SOMEONE SET THE EARTH ON FIRE!!! Major breaking news: "Paris Hilton is out of jail!"

I could not believe that at 3:30am CNN busted in to show us Paris Hilton walking out of her jail building. She walked up what seemed like a yellow brick road with all the munchkins cheering her on as she entered her limo. By this point I am just dumbfounded at the attention this story is getting. There are people on the streets holding "Liberate Paris" signs, and flashing website's people can go to in order to help or rip on Paris.

This is a true example of someone getting a lot of undeserved attention. What the hell is Paris famous for anyway?

Is it her Simple Life show that got a massive 0.4 rating and went off the air faster than her pants came off in her sex tape?

Speaking of the sex tape, is that the reason she shot to famous town overnight? Lemme tell ya something people, ive seen that tape, and it fucking sucks (no pun intended). And im sure 98% of the men out there have seen it as well and will agree with me. I honestly fell asleep 3 times watching it.

Anyway, Paris was put in jail first for recieving a DUI, and then driving with a suspended license. Paris served 23 days in jail and was whining and crying like a typical celebrity when she was put behind bars. I would like to apologize to her judge in this case for not putting him on my HARD person of the week. This judge had the chance to give in to Paris's bitching and let her avoid the bars and go on house arrest. However, the judge grew a set of nuts of made Paris serve her sentence. If I ever see this judge on the mean streets of Edgewater im gonna have to shake his hand.

So yea I just thought id share my feelings on what I just saw on TV at 3:30am and the ridiculous madness that ensued over some "celebrity" getting out of jail. There are many more stories going on in the world today that CNN would be much better off focusing on....

Top 10 news stories CNN can keep there eye on instead of Paris Hilton:

1. Will Mike Gett ever reach the Earth's atmosphere by getting so high above everyone else?

2. Will Mike Yatsco ever keep his "im sorry" count to under 100 during a 24 hour period?

3. Will Sara Normand send me a picture of herself and a baby "joey" from Australia?

4. The over/under on number of tattoos Mike Hallock will have by age 21

5. The number of times Ryan Wetzel will travel while playing basketball

6. The number of days Jon Brauer goes without saying the word "toesies"

7. Will Don Somers ever finally give up on life?

8. Will Jason Fazzone ever stop trying to be a better shooter than me in basketball?

9. Will Jim Pasquine ever stop playing baseball?

10. Will I ever pass Calculus?

BASIC KNOWLEDGE.............

Triumphant Return of the Knowledge

Welcome back to Po's Knowledge Dropping, its been about 3 weeks since I last wrote an entry and I would like to apologize to all my fans as I have been extremely busy since Ive been home from school. However, I am now officially settled in for the summer and am ready to start blogging on a regular basis again. Now, in the past three weeks there have been so many things that have happened that I have decided just to break down all the stories into a HARD section, and a SOFT section to keep everything organized. So here we go...the hardest and softest stories I have witnessed since my Summer 2007 began.

HARD stories section:

1. -----Michael Gregory Gett-----

What better place to start then by what I experienced at Mike Gett's house this past week. Several of our friends were over his house having a nice relaxing get together while his parents were away at Florida. We all are watching movies and playing a little beer pong. Then all of a sudden, the women show up at the house which turns Gett into a beer guzzling monster. He continuously played games of BP whether he won or lost. In between each game he would take numerous Yeager bombs and thought nothing of it. Trust me I am not against getting wasted at all, but the fact that this man was doing it to show off in front of the woman makes him a ''hard'' individual. Gett continued screaming words and dancing like a moron until most of the people left his house. At approx. 1:00am Gett walked over to his desk, sat down at his computer, and proceeded to puke in every direction imaginable. He puked on his Ipod, his laptop, his shirt, his pants, his carpet, Adele's feet, and my hands. We all got many hilarious pictures of Gett including an "in-action" picture of the vomit actually flying out of Gett's mouth (how graphic is that, really?). After he passed out Adele and Chelsey proceeded to draw penis's and vagina's all over Gett's back with several different colors of markers. Four of us had to stay the night and make sure Gett didnt die. He slept at his desk like a kid in High School study hall would sleep from 1:30-5:00am. He woke up at 5am repeatedly screaming, "WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK!" We explained everything that happened to him and he couldnt believe what he had heard. This is exactly why we give Gett nicknames like, "Mr. Miami" & "Cloud Boy." However as hard as he acted that night, it was still one of the most hilarious nights Ive ever lived. Thanks Cloud Boy!

On a side note here, all of the pictures we have from that night are on my cell phone, and i currently dont know how to put cell phone pictures on the computer, so i just put a picture up here of Gett riding the Merry-Go-Round by himself at Cedar Point 2 years ago.

2. -----Adam "Pacman" Jones-----

The next thing I want to address comes from deep in the heart of YAWN city. Every goddamn day I turn on ESPN I have to see something new happening to Adam "Pacman" Jones. Does this guy serious just wake up every morning and ask himself how hes going to piss off the cops? It seems everyday this guy is getting charged for something or his involved in a criminal act at a strip club. Pacman is currently serving a one year suspension from the NFL because Roger "nig lover" Goodell laid the ax down on him for all of his previous run-ins with law enforcement. Pacman has recently been charged on 2 felony accounts for a shooting in Las Vegas. Also, what the hell is up with all these troubled athletes cutting off their dreadlocks. First Mike Vick and now Pacman Jones has done the same thing for his latest mug shot. Do these athletes think that by cutting of their hair they are going to change their actions. Lemme tell ya something Mr. Pacwoman, if a year long suspension from the NFL cant keep your ass out of trouble...then nothing ever will.

3. -----The Cow on Mike & Mike in the Morning Radio Show-----

Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic host this radio show that takes place every weekday morning at 6am on ESPN radio and ESPN 2. (Yes, I am being paid heavily for plugging their show). These two made a bet over their March Madness brackets back in March. Golic ended up beating Greenberg in their bet, and in return for losing the bet Greenberg had to milk a cow live on the air during their show. Yesterday, was Greenberg's day to finally milk this cow. The reason this is difficult is because Greenberg is a real germ-free kind of guy and cringes at the thought of milking a cow. This story could have fallen under the SOFT category, but the focus is going to be on the Cow that was in the studio that day. The Cow entered the studio around 8am and was standing there very calm making the occasional "moo" sound. It got to the point where Mike & Mike took a commercial and were going to milk the Cow when it returned from the commercial. Apparently the Cow was watching the monitor and saw the Wedny's tree kicking commercial or something and proceed to go on a rage. The cow started running people over running around the studio and knocking over cameras. I think it took a stroll to Studio 3A which is the Sportscenter set before he was tamed and brought back to the Mike & Mike studio. Greenberg was now fearing for his life as he bent down to squeeze the "teet" and milk the Cow. The Cow was still pissed off and decided that no matter how hard Greenberg would squeeze he wasnt going to let any milk out. For a Cow that can hold 40lbs of milk, Greenberg ended up not even getting enough milk out to satisfy my cat. Golic told us there was a total of 2 ounces that came out of the Cow. This Cow should go down in history as one of the hardest Cows on the planet. The next day Greenberg was not on the show, and Golic told us that he was day-to-day with milker's wrist.

4. -----The Cleveland Cavaliers 2006-07 season-----

Obviously nothing is worse than getting swept out of the NBA Finals. Obviously I would be screaming, bitching, swearing, and breaking things while watching my team get swept. Right? Wrong! I couldnt bring myself to getting to my normal pissed off state while watching the NBA Finals. First off all, the fact that the Cavs were in the Finals this year is an amazing accomplishment in itself. The fact that they did it without a true PG is incredible. The fact that they did it with Larry Hughes playing PG is a bigger accomplishment than the US hockey team beating the USSR in the "Miracle on Ice" game back in 1980. This was the most fun Ive ever had following a Cavs team and it has nothing but a bright future with Lebron and Dan Gibson both being barely old enough to chug a beer. If the Cavs front office makes just one strong move in the off-season I cant see anyone besides maybe the Chicago Bulls (with or without Kobe) making the NBA Finals. Right now Im hearing names like Earl Boykins, Michael Redd, Mike Bibby, or even Chauncey B-B-B-Billups being in contention to be playing in Wine and Gold next season. Personally I would like to see the Cavs make a move in next weeks draft much like their inner city boys did when the Browns made a move for Brady. The Cavs have no draft pick this year and I would like to see Ferry trade anyone but Lebron to get a draft pick and get one of my two favorite players in this years draft- either of the two young, left-handed point guards in Mike Conley Jr. and Acie Law IV. Either way, Dan Ferry better not lose his balls like he did at the All-Star break last year, and better get one of the guys I listed above. Otherwise, its gonna be very difficult for the Cavs to get back to the Finals next year.

***writers note: its 6pm right now and Sportscenter just came on, and the first story was..... shockingly Mr. Pacman Jones, who woulda saw that one coming?...

SOFT stories section:

1. -----Kobe Bryant-----

Kobe changing his damn mind every single day about wanting to be traded. Thats all I have to say about this because I am sick and tired of this story on ESPN everyday also.

2. -----Power and Toe-----

I just want to take this time and congratulate my good friends Jon Brauer and Laura Bernheim for finally patching things up and getting back together. Everyone in the soft community was going crazy when they found out their spokespersons had broke it off. The soft community was in denial and about to be torn down when all of a sudden the softest relationship in the history of mankind was saved. This is also good news for me because now when watching basketball games together I will always know exactly how cold Laura's toesies become. Congratulations again to you two and cant wait until next year.

3. -----Zach Frazier (Rangers bullpen catcher)-----

In case youre living in a hole, Sammy Sosa jacked his 600th homerun of his career last Tuesday into the bullpen of his own team. Sosa of course was very happy the ball went into the bullpen because now he would be able to have this historic ball to keep on one of his mantles in his home. WRONG! The ball was caught by the Texas Rangers bullpen catcher, Zach Frazier. Instead of giving the ball directly to Sosa, Fraizer is holding the ball hostage and demanding some kind of compensation from Sosa in order for him to give up the ball. Reportedly they are close to an agreement that would have Sosa giving Fraizer his 2007 Range Rover car in exchange for the ball. The fact that Fraizer would hold this ball hostage from one of his teammates is just ridiculous. I have never heard of something so stupid in my life. I realize that the average salary of a bullpen catcher isnt what it used to be... but holding a mans 600th HR ball ransom is just bush-league.

4. -----40 yr old track coach Brenton Wuchae & 16 yr old track star Windy Hagar-----

The Hagers are trying to figure out how life went off track for their teenage daughter, Windy.
They envisioned that life for the good student and promising athlete would be filled with dreams of the prom and college, but that all changed this week when Windy, 16, married her high school track coach.

"She was a dream kid," said her mother, Betty Hager. "We'd never have to worry about Windy trying to get by with something."

"She just always was outside, always running, and her name's Windy — I guess she was predestined to do love to do that," Betty said.

During Windy's freshman year, her 38-year-old track coach, Brenton Wuchae, began taking a more active interest in her, offering to give the 14-year-old rides home from practice.

I cant even continue this story without puking...just know that the parents were forced into signing the consent forms and the girl has moved schools, and the track coach has resigned. Thank God nothing like that happens around here in my neck of the woods.

Fun Facts are back:

-Miguel Tejada's streak of 1,152 consecutive games played came to an end as he was placed on the DL today. This streak was over 7 years of no rest for Tejada and was truly a great accomplishment as it was the 5th longest streak in MLB history. Cal Ripken Jr breathes a big sigh of relief. The next highest on the list is Juan Pierre with 344 straight games played, and then Grady Sizemore with 267 straight games played.

Which record will be broken first?

A. Cal Ripken Jr.'s 2,632 consecutive games played streak

B. Joe Dimaggio's 52-game hitting streak

C. Both

D. Neither

-Roger Clemens is a gay, money grabbing faggot who sits out half a season and makes 50 million bucks to pitch one day and sit at home 4 other days.....dahhhhh wait thats not the fun fact.... the fun fact is that yesterday Roger Clemens became the oldest player in Yankees history to get a base hit. Once again a great accomplishment but also proves Clemens needs to stop coming out of retirement every year because he is very old.

BASIC KNOWLEDGE................